Thoughts. » introspection

Is College Ultimate "IT?"

Mackey — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Given the recent news of the NCUA (thus far getting an admittedly lesser response than the initial C1 announcement–which is sure to change once the weekend is over), and this particular post by Dusty (even if the blogging has stopped, he’s still worth reading), I’ve been pondering this question over the last couple days.

Is it all downhill after college? Certainly the level of play rises, but the excitement is different there. While I can watch elite ultimate and think to myself, “So long as I keep working, I can do that too,” I think it’s a lot easier for your typical ultimate fan (? maybe I should put “player” here instead) to look at collegiate ultimate and feel more connected/relate more to the game. If we’re looking for a showcase with potentially broad appeal, perhaps college ultimate IS the way to go. In the long run, perhaps packaging and selling collegiate ultimate will lead to the most “success” (here defined as increased public awareness and some semblance of “legitimacy” in terms of more broad-spread recognition as a varsity sport). I really don’t have enough of an education in the way ultimate has grown so far or a good understanding of potential markets to say anything about these developments with any certainty, but it’s certainly an exciting time to be an ultimate player! I’m very interested to see where this period of relative turmoil leads–the bet here is that by 2010 we see a stable system commonly accepted as the norm, but 2009 remains a very clouded picture and what happens this year will determine what becomes “acceptable” in the season following.

Rather than such grandiose notions, my main contemplation has been more personal. Namely, in my post-college-partum depression, will elite ultimate really be something I want to pursue?

It was easy for me to be motivated and work hard in college–I wasn’t working just for myself, but I knew that my own work contributed to the team and that team was something more than simply a team–the team was (and remains) my family. You probably read all of Hector’s goings-ons about Wisconsin, despite he himself being years removed from playing there. It speaks volumes to the pull that the Alma Mater can have, even while playing at the sport’s supposedly highest level.

Is it even close to possible to recapture some of that fire and passion playing with a group of guys who I don’t live with and learn with and stay up much later than is appropriate to play Smash Bros. (the N64 original–Ness and PK Thunder saves 4eva) with? I don’t think so.

I think Dusty is spot-on in assessing the motivations of the two divisions. Club is elite, but college is passionate. Until ultimate as an entity is big enough to support full-time elite players, we absolutely can and should focus on building at the grassroots level, building at the collegiate level.

Whoops. I did say I don’t really know what I’m talking about…I’ll leave it there.
Please feel free to chip in with your thoughts here–apologies to my Aussie readers, I’m not sure how much of this actually has relevance to the way you structure things over there.

Related posts:

Exciting Times in College Ultimate

UCPC Review, Part 5 (the final: "A Season of High-level College Ultimate," Nathan Wicks)

College Defense: Minimize Threat, or Maximize D Opportunities?

Cultivating Focus

Mackey — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 04:00:00 +0000

If you really scour my blog, you can find this info on my UCPC post on Alan Goldberg’s talk.

So, focus. I’ve harped on visualization a bit here…you might be aware that focus, properly applied, can increase ability even without physically practicing. But did you know that focus can be trained, too? (There’s a whole school of Buddhism devoted entirely to the pursuit of better focus, in fact. Perhaps you’ve heard of zen?)

A former captain of mine was once mocked for telling the team to “focus on focus.” While it sounds silly at a glance, there is something to be said for being aware of one’s ability to focus, and there’s something more to be said for deliberately working on improving this skill.

How? That’s the trick, isn’t it. As Dr. Goldberg has put it, it is not the ability to sustain focus, but the ability to refocus, that separates the high performers from the rest. It’s not that Michael Jordan didn’t get distracted; it’s that he was able to put these distractions aside and return to living in the moment that allowed him to thrive in the big moments (granted, a lot of other things went into that success, too).

Any practice on focus and re-focusing is going to resemble meditation in some form or another. You know that whole “flow” thing? Flow is essentially an active meditation. If there was nothing to it, you wouldn’t see so many practitioners still at it today.

So, in short: meditate.

In long: take the time to simply live and breathe. If you need something to focus on, pick up a frisbee and place it in front of you. You only think I’m kidding, Daniel-san. Pick something simple to say and easy to remember (Goldberg suggests “one”).

Look at the frisbee. Breathe. Focus on every detail of that hunk of plastic. Notice the ridges on top, the imperfections from use…hey, that Vegas graphic is pretty cool. I wonder how this whole Conference 1 thing will shake out?–
“One.” Refocus on the disc. Use the phrase (or simply a thought) to cue yourself to refocus. Work your way from a frisbee on the table to a frisbee on top of a TV playing highlights from the club championships, and you’ll have developed a pretty potent system for getting your mind in the right place.

More conventional means: Sit. Close your eyes, or don’t. Breathe. Count your breaths. Count to 100. Count to 200. Count to 300. Start over when you lose track for your thoughts. When you feel good at that, start over when you simply wind up distracted from your breathing and your counting, instead of when you can’t remember the number. But start simply.

Other means: You can practice focus in a wide variety of situations. Read The Inner Game of Tennis, read The Art of Learning, embrace the ability of your body to execute without your mind’s chaperoning it all the time. Focus on relaxing your mind…focus on letting go. When you’re out for a drive, forget the thoughts racing through your mind, and simply let your body drive the car for a while. (driving is one of the most complicated tasks a human performs on a day-to-day basis, and is a great candidate for flow experience)

Rather than subscribe to stress, free yourself with focus. The opportunities to let yourself go and be content to simply live are limitless. You can become a better ultimate player in this way, and a better person, as well.

UPDATE: Micah adds in the comments that Dr. Goldberg has his own site up and running–I haven’t given it an in-depth look to say for or against it yet (it can often be the case that such sites are simply used to hook more customers without offering any of the meat of their ideas), but you might find it helpful.

Related posts:
Catching Thought: Focus on the spin

UCPC Review, Part 3 (Keynote Speech, Dr. Alan Goldberg)

Why You Should Focus on Positives

Sigh, damn.

Mackey — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:58:00 +0000

This really makes me wish I was playing ultimate right now.

Oh well. I guess there’s the one 5v5 beach ultimate tourney with a pickup team to tide me over for the next year…

Why do you Play?

Mackey — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 04:00:00 +0000

This is an open question, and one I’d like to see some readers comment on if you’re so inclined.

Why do you play ultimate? It seems like kind of a silly question, but it truly is an essential one. Passion can fade, and I think that oftentimes this can be traced back to find what the original source of motivation was and how it has since shifted. Likewise, if you maintain your passion currently (which I’m sure you do if you’re reading this), there must be a reason.

My ramblings on confidence start to tug at this notion a little bit. Success breeds success, does it not? Do you play simply because you’re good? Is the outlet of ultimate enough for you to assert your dominance?

Do you play for the people? Are your teammates a second family? Is it the chance to lead a group, or to be part of one outside of your normal lifestyle (or perhaps this has become your normal lifestyle)?

Do you have other motivations? One that is perhaps not as obvious but, I think, ultimately applicable to the case of many a player, is the ability to transfer the skills cultivated through ultimate to other realms of life. Developing to focus to dash, stop, and make a precision throw, biathlon-style, having the mental fortitude to maintain concentration, these sorts of processes can transfer to other situations–perhaps at work, or playing other games. Cultivating the presence of mind to collect yourself when a call is made on the field, using your cognition rather than your emotion to make a clear judgment.

I’ve discussed my motivations on this blog previously…I shifted from the immediate gratification of playing well at a low level as a primary motivation to the group of people I played with, and in so doing came to appreciate the transferability of ultimate to real life (especially now that I’m applying to med school, and need to be able to sell this obsession of mine as not only relevant, but useful going forwards). Ultimate, for me, has become a wonderful forum to develop and test various learning strategies. Teaching my body and mind to do new things, to perceive situations in novel ways…it’s wonderful exercise and enriches my person. That’s why I play (or rather, will play as soon as I can find the appropriate opportunity to do so here…).

Why do YOU play?

Related posts:
Why I play Ultimate

Is College Ultimate "IT?"

Ways to Talk to Encourage Continued Performance

Mackey — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 04:00:00 +0000

Do you think about what you say?

I know you think you do. But do you really think about what you say? About how what you say might reveal things about yourself you had no intention of revealing? About how what you say might affect your teammates’ or your own ability to perform?

There are a few ways to cope in ultimate. By “cope” I don’t mean dealing with failure. By “cope” I mean getting by and continuing to perform with the grind of 3, 4 games in a day. I’m talking about the entirety of your day’s experience, not just what you think of as the “critical,” “game-defining” moments (or especially their aftermath).

Largely, I think you can divide coping strategies into two camps. You have passive coping, and you have active coping. This goes a bit with personality types as well.

Your passive copers more or less go with whatever the flow of the moment is. If things are going well and/or the team is getting excited, they (can) get excited. If things are not going as well, your passive types are generally at a loss for what to do to right the ship. On their own, they can’t create much. They’re sheep, psychologically speaking, able to be molded and guided to various ends.

Your active types, for better or worse, help to catalyze the passive types. This is the guy on the other team that’s always initiating the call in the other team’s call and response cheer. This is the guy that rushes the field ahead of the rest. This is the girl that spikes the disc to get her teammates pumped up.

This is also the type that most strongly influences the team’s level of arousal–how up or down a team gets for playing. Most teams will have more than one of these, but how these individuals respond to the team’s fortunes–whether that be success or setback–will tend to set the tone for the rest of the team. As a general rule, you can get enhanced performance out of getting “up” for a given moment or game, but over the course of a weekend this level of intensity is near impossible to sustain and will be prone to crash downwards (usually responsible in some form or another for most comebacks in ultimate). Rare indeed is the individual who can sustain themselves purely out of emotion, so learning to guide the team towards a more balanced state of mind is the ideal here.

Whether naturally inclined to be more passive or more active, you can still learn to talk and carry yourself in such a way that your teammates can more easily remain at a balanced level of arousal.

For a bit of a discussion on the notion of psychology and performance, check out my UCPC recap from two years ago of Alan Greenberg’s talk on performance psychology.

The key thing to note here–optimal performance comes when a player is fully invested in the experience at hand (literally, if we’re talking about catching or throwing). Players who focus too much on what just happened, or what might happen, rather than on what IS happening, are the sorts of players who wind up in their own heads, botching easy plays or attempting the sorts of actions that you normally wouldn’t expect from them. The score, for instance, has nothing to do with your performance on the field. So you were just broken–so what? Other than perhaps making strategic adjustments, there’s no need to dwell on the matter. So your team will go to nationals if it can just close out this game–so what? You haven’t closed it out yet. Don’t start dreaming about Nationals, and don’t start dreaming of what might happen if you don’t make the cut. Get your head in the game, while cliche, is totally appropriate here.

So how do you talk to encourage continued performance? Some do’s and don’ts:

DO

Focus on the process rather than the outcome. If you’re a captain or a coach (coaches can afford to think a bit more broadly, as they don’t have to perform), and have to give the team guidance, to some extent you need to be aware of what parts of your team’s process are or are not working. This manifests in talk to the effect of “our dump motion is good; we’re having a few miscues with our handlers, so handlers need to focus on making one hard cut and clearing out to create space for the fill cut,” rather than “we’re getting beaten on short turnovers on the dump. Last point Mackey was dancing out there in the lane and clogged it up for everybody else.” With the former the focus is on improving the process; in the latter it is on the outcome, and additionally focuses on a single individual and a single situation–as soon as you get your athletes thinking about specific incidents in the past you’re taking them out of their game-ready state.

Avoid talk on the line about anything other than the next point’s strategy. Yeah, you joke around on the line a bit. But at some point, your need to focus on what’s going to happen in the point–you’re going to have to get your mindset ready to play at some point during the point; it’s usually best if this point is before the pull instead of during or after. On Dartmouth this year, our O line cued themselves to get their head in the game and focus on the next point with an all-together clap, in much the same way a football huddle breaks. You might think it’s silly, but all it takes is something as simple and consistent as that to get your head right.

Cue everyone to keep focused. You don’t necessarily have to do this by explicitly stating “hey guys, let’s focus,” but there are far worse things you can say than that. Your team should want to stay in the game–if they’re reluctant to, you’ve got bigger problems than simply player focus–so it shouldn’t take much to cue players on the sideline to stay focused on the now rather than getting caught up in whatever the day’s drama (or cool play, etc) is.

Talk in terms of actions the team can take, rather than describing a situation. It’s all well and good to recount what just happened in the first half, but really, that doesn’t help your team out nearly as much as describing to them what should be focused on in the second half. Generally speaking, you don’t need to justify why certain adjustments are being made (you can simply offer, “we’re going to try zone” if they’ve been burning you in man–nobody needs to be reminded to know the reasons for which the change is occuring), simply give instruction and trust your team to execute. Keep the focus on the field in the current point.

DON’T

Be “that guy.” The one who’s always talking. Even if you’re encouraging your teammates to stay focused, realize that if you hassle too much (and lack the authority/respect of a coach or captain–and sometimes even if you do have it) you might take their minds off of whatever they were thinking about, only to divert those thoughts to resentment of you. Develop a feel for your teammates and what they need to cue focus, and strive to help them keep themselves in line too–this is not a one man job, by any means, but avoiding pitfalls is a team effort.

Bring up specific incidents on the field until after the game is over (the need for performance has ceased). I’m talking about call-outs here, not the sort of discussion you have with a teammate after a point ends to clarify when the miscommunication occurred and what could be done to correct it next time. Like the example above, there is little to no productive effect to calling a player out for a bad play, and generally little gain from calling a player out for a single exceptional play (if your goal is learning, however, it might be wise to point out examples of the behavior you want all of your players to model).

Talk about the other team. Strategically, you can certainly talk to your team with new objectives in mind, but remarking on the team’s: relative level of ability (“we should beat these guys”); personality (“these guys are assholes”); stud players (“#33 is really good!”), etc.

Tolerate comments or behavior which focuses on results or anything other than the situation at hand. Obviously, social decency means you tread carefully on this rather than stomping on somebody who’s talking–remember the first bullet for “Don’t”‘s–but to the extent that you can eliminate the tendency for your team to, for instance, go on and on about what specifically went wrong in a specific instance or players to offer comments that aren’t specifically geared towards focusing on the game at hand and what actions need to be taken in the huddle, the more your players will be able to remain in an optimal performance state.

Call players out for good/bad/whatever play while they are on the field. It’s one thing to give feedback after a point is over. One of the worst things you can do to a player who is in the flow of a point is force them to think about something they did previously by referring to some incident in the past or to what you expect them to do in the future. This does not mean you can’t offer encouragement and helpful information–”left/right shoulder” in a zone is helpful; “I expect another hot D this point, Kell” is not. Under no circumstances should you force a player to think on the field! I don’t mean the cognitive processes necessary for a given point, reading one’s man or the defense, etc, I mean thinking about that cute guy on the sideline, or about the last sweet play she made–the play has already been made. Relive it later when she doesn’t have to play.

Ask what the score is right before the pull goes up when you’re on the line. Big pet peeve of mine. If you think being down by one or up by one should make a difference in how you play, note that you just agreed to thinking–the anathema to performance. The ONLY time score should be relevant to you as a player is in situations like universe point, where you know that you do not need to conserve your energy for another point following this one. Thinking about your team’s lead or deficit is otherwise a pretty fruitless endeavor. Leave the score keeping to your coach, or to somebody who isn’t you on the sideline.

You get the idea. As a general rule, don’t think, do (note that this was one of the first posts I made on this blog). Don’t talk, instruct. Don’t recap…refocus. And execute. It’s that simple (and that hard).

Related posts:
Talk in Positives

UCPC Review, Part 4 ("Applying Mental Toughness Strategies to Ultimate," Tiina Booth)

Process vs. Outcome

Post #150! 7/19-20: Ow My Knee, or: "Hey. Just so you know. We’re really good at ultimate."

Mackey — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 04:16:00 +0000

And so it was that the 25th-seeded pickup team won.

What a great change of pace. After a long denouement to my ultimate career after regionals, with a brief, minor peak against Arizona at nationals, I’d found my passion for play fading (though my fascination with learning and teaching in this sport and otherwise continues as strong as ever).

But a glimmer of hope. Strangely, found it whilst tooling on some 15 and 16 year olds at the summer camp I was working at (perhaps you’ve heard of CTY? More than a few ultimate types got their start playing there, despite the camp ostensibly having nothing to do with ultimate). Somewhere in the flurry of terrible decisions and missed executions, punctuated by goals scored by yours truly (and staff accompaniment), I found it.

What was it? The joy of playing, of course! I had forgotten what it felt like. Those weeks of practice between regionals and nationals–they weren’t joyful. They were focused, they were dedicated to improving ourselves. They were work. Even at nationals, that sense of work stuck. Only when I could bring it all to fruition and really play in Colorado did it all mean something.

Similarly, I’d been tooling around with my throws, sure, thinking a lot about ultimate, yes, but I’d been missing the joy. The dam started leaking tooling on the teenagers, and the trickle became a river playing in Ow My Knee, tooling on dults.

Why lie. It’s a lot of fun to be good. It’s easy when you win. Playing this weekend, with a team of friends who not only played, but were damn good, was EXACTLY what I needed.

Particularly on Sunday, when we played legitimate mixed teams, that practice, and take themselves seriously, it was great to go and chill, pile together, and drink water during timeouts and halftime while our opponents huddled together and talked strategy. And then go back out and beat them (like our come-from-behind, universe point victory over 7 express in the final–we were down something like 7-10 when the cap horn sounded).

This is less a recap and more a rejoicing–this is why I play ultimate. I had my doubts about playing elite when I return stateside (and easing those doubts is not a guarantee that I’ll feel any more confident in a year’s time when I get back from Japan, where I’m teaching English next year), but my passion has been re-invigorated.

College is impossible to recapture–the people, the community, the commitment were all so different than anything I could hope to ever find again–but playing in OMK reminded me of the other aspect, that part that drew m to Dartmouth Ultimate in the first place–not the Dartmouth, but the ultimate. I love this sport.

Related posts:
Why I play Ultimate

Is College Ultimate "IT?"

Nationals

Nationals

Mackey — Mon, 19 May 2008 20:07:00 +0000

What to say.

My collegiate career is over.

Soon enough I’ll be leaving this school, separating from my friends of many years, and moving on with my life.

What’s it all for? What’s it all about? I struggled with this thought on Friday. We had already made the national tournament., only the second time our program has done so, and going into the year we never really had any concrete goals outside of peaking at regionals–and what a peak it was! Two of the best, most emotional days of ultimate I’ve ever experienced. The energy was palpable. We had bunches of alums, friends, family (my parents got to watch me play ultimate for the first time in the regional final), all rooting for us. It’s the sort of atmosphere that makes me happy to play this sport, to know that the work and effort I’d invested could be made manifest in such a way.

We won the region…and then? What? More ultimate. As Socks put it at one point, it’s like having a really good friend over to visit, you have a great time seeing them, and then the time comes for them to go…and after leaving in the morning, you get a knock on your door that afternoon–your friend is back, he missed his train. While it’s still really great to have them there, it’s just not the same. This was how I went through practice the week after regionals. Closing in on the dance itself, we had a team meeting, generally got on the same page of loving the chance to play with each other and be the Pain Train in its current form one last time, and I had a bit more vigor and a bit more excitement for the sport as we left for Colorado.

But Friday came, and I was flat. We opened against Carleton–very good, talented team–but I got caught flat-footed and beat to the open side more than once. For goals. Where was the fire? The desire to put it on the line for my teammates?

I was still missing it against Colorado. I’d gotten a bit more will to play and work to show on the field, but the focus was missing. I cheered on the sidelines, but that was mostly just going through the motions.

We finished against UCSC after a bye. We won this one, but did I really bring anything more than I did to the previous two games? I had more opportunities to play harder, so in aggregate, yes, I played harder. It was good to win, but I could have just as easily lost that game, in terms of investment in the result.

I still don’t have a good answer for how I felt.

But then, Saturday came. Arizona. What a game. I spent most of the game covering Joe Kershner, whose name you might recognize as the top of the heap in this year’s Callahan award. Really great guy, totally deserving. First point of the game we introduced ourselves to each other, and exchanged some words over the course of the game. Dude knows how to ball, but I do too, which made it a lot of fun on both sides of the disc. Getting to run him around on the turns was great–probably half of my elation from playing this game stems from my being a cutter for almost all of the game.

An amazing game to play in–my new best game I’ve ever played in (supplanting my sophomore year vs. Brown in teh quarterfinals at NE regionals–that still remains the tightest game I’ve ever played in, Brown hardly turned it over all game thanks to the unstoppableness of C-Mo). Certainly a game that I was happy to end my career on.

…but then we had two more games. I was pretty banged up from the ‘zona game (bashed my knee on a bid early, and it’d been swelling up on me since), and combine that with the 5-minute break between games (going to 17-16 meant we were well past cap), and we came out flat. I only played a point in this game (though I got to finally throw the skirt on, now that we were out of contention). We were within striking distance but let this game get away from us pretty quickly.

After that, it was Delaware, and after a bye we had a lot more energy and rolled in this game. I played a few more points in this game, including the game’s final point–in a clam set, the final play of my collegiate career was a layout D, which I caught–however, given that the Del player was not anticipating my laying out for the D, he did not have time to get out of the way, and crashed into me (I was laying out perpendicular to his direction of motion–I almost never make these sorts of bids for exactly this reason). I took a (collegiate) career-ending injury, and Socks then came on to throw a breakside score for the win. A pretty fitting end for both of our careers, I’d say.

A lot of fun, is how I’d characterize it all. Really, nationals is like any other high-level college tournament–you show up, you play hard, you go home. This is the simple truth of ultimate. Why do we continue to seek glory in this piece of plastic? Well…why not?

This team is moving on already. We have our spring banquet tomorrow (which is way too soon), and after that, I’ll literally have nothing left. It’s pretty sad. You can insert a cliche about taking solace in the progress of the program, but really, there’s not too much of that sentiment right now, just nostalgia. Sitting back, reminiscing, and enjoying the memories.

I’ll likely keep updating this blog for at least the next while, but given that I’m going to be out of competitive ultimate for at least the next year (I’m teaching English in Japan), there will come a time when the new content ceases.

In the meantime, I plan to pour out the essence of my ultimate self here, various skills and teachings that I’ve acquired over my four years here. So, look forward to that I guess.

Signed,
Maaaaaaaaaaaaatt Mackey

Related posts:
Nationals Coverage

Post #150! 7/19-20: Ow My Knee, or: "Hey. Just so you know. We’re really good at ultimate."

Mars

Mackey Day (long as you’d expect. but it’s my day, dammit!…)

Mackey — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:07:00 +0000

“Mackey, why DO you play ultimate?”
I thought for a second.

“…because what I get out of this sport is commensurate with what I put in to it.”
“Why don’t you do crew or something like that?”
“Are you kidding me!? It’s nowhere close…”

I’m not sure exactly what drew me to ultimate in the first place. I went to nerd camp where frisbee was the thing to do; we’d throw it around during breaks, play “ultimate” (good old amoeba play) during activities, and the like. I was (am) pretty athletic (yes, yes, self call, I know. Keep your shirt on), I jumped high and caught frisbees and boys and girls alike were impressed. I was smitten.

Going out of high school and looking at college, I knew I wanted to do SOMETHING with sports, but short of running/jumping on a track team (being a Division I fifth-stringer as a walk-on didn’t sit too well with me), ultimate was IT. I still remember going through the UPA rankings, trying to see if I could discern anything to distinguish the ivies I was looking at from one another. This school, Dartmouth, that my friend went to, they had just made it in 2003! Surely this was a team on the up-and-up, a team that I could jump on to and ride their ascention to the national stage with. And I had so much fun when I came and visited…such were my thoughts, among others, when I chose to come to Dartmouth.

I arrived a wide-eyed freshman, fancying myself the shit because I’d played in summer league–organized ultimate, man!–and showed up knowing what a stack was. I could throw a forehand (without a pivot). Sometimes my hammers went where I wanted them to! It made me really happy when I heard from Pete Gadomski at one point that he thought I was a ’06 because I looked so much like I knew what I was doing. Knowing as much as I did, and being in the shape I was, I had to be a shoo-in for the A-team, right? Right?

Not at all. The ’05s were the big dogs, Seigs and Agan explained to me in the backseat of a car (their “office” during practice), and they had a good feeling about this year–they didn’t have a lot of space to pull up new guys and train them up, taking just Cobbles and Pov from the ’08s. “We want you to work on your defense,” they said. “right now it just seems like you force guys out and try and run the disc down when it gets thrown (admittedly still my favorite thing in ultimate). Work on really sticking with your man and D’ing him up that way on the B-team.”

On the B-team? I put everything I had into getting better, into showing them how wrong they were to not take me on the A-team, to show them how committed I was. And it wasn’t just me. So many conditioning runs, so many wintry practices out at the turf fields, Dorner, Mackey, Crew, Socks, Watson, DeKrey…commitment. Hard work. If it wasn’t practice, it was Socks-Crew-Pov-Mackey doing marker drill on a Friday evening at the river dorms, playing boot, tossing.

My freshman summer, spent in the far East, I threw literally every day after class. I would spend hours perusing the internet for every last bit of information it held. I read the blogs. When I returned to Hanover, I started my own. I kept working, and kept improving, physically, mentally.

Sophomore year, Socks, Wats, and I made it (with a cameo by Crew). Junior year Crew returned, and DeKrey and Dorner came up. We’ve all continued to work through the years, and the fruits of our labor are evident to me every time we’re on the field, every time we toss. Every throw is a throwback. Turfed backhands, wobbly forehands, have become near certainties. Whereas I once dashed around haphazardly hoping for a floaty frisbee, I now cut with purpose for leading passes. While I used to wait and bait, I now dictate and dominate. My attachment to this sport, and the people I share it with, is the single most fulfilling component of my Dartmouth experience.

Riding back from a practice at Radcliffe with Dorner, DeKrey, and Crew, joking at an intersection, I was struck with the thought of just how perfect it all was, how there’s absolutely nothing else I’d prefer doing. I could’ve ridden forever, but these moments are fleeting. We’ve invested so much time in this sport, and in each other, and for what?…

“Are you kidding me!? It’s nowhere close.” With crew, what do you do? Pull strokes on the erg? With ultimate, there is SO MUCH you can do to improve. It’s not just the physical work, but the strategy, the teamwork…spending time together with my teammates makes us all better players. And not just better players, better people. I have gotten SO MUCH out of my time here at Dartmouth, and with the team…I’m an entirely different person now than I was before I got here, and it all stems from this singular obsession of mine, born of some nonchalant tossing and an innocent fascination with a piece of plastic.

So we come to Regionals. Whenever somebody who doesn’t really follow ultimate/somebody I don’t talk to about it regularly asks about my season, I refer to Regionals as “Pretty much the culmination of my four years here at Dartmouth.” Like Nate said, though, the results are not what define us. For me, going into this weekend with the strength and certainty of years of commitment and work and, why lie, obsession, with this sport, with this group, with Our Team, I am, simply, exhilarated. There is no greater feeling than the rush that comes with a hard-fought game, win or lose. The flow of the moment, the unaldulteated joy of letting it all go…it is for precisely these moments that I work so hard. To be able to give my best, alongside my best friends, there is nothing more than this that I can ask for.

I have to confess that I’ve actually been tearing up, if not crying, a fair bit reading some of these blitzes. The meaning that this team, that Our Team, has taken on, cannot be captured in words (despite my liberal use of them in attempt here). I see it when we play, though. Every time I hear a “hoo ungawa!” Every time Owen demands better from somebody, be it himself, his teammates, or his opponent. Every sprint down on every pull, every goal caught, every joyous celebration…every time we huddle up. It’s always there, that desire to give more, to become less a collection of 23 and more a team of one, united will.

I love each and every one of you. As I sit here typing this I feel a surge of energy–that energy doesn’t come from me; it comes from you. Our investment in one another is our truest strength. As we play this weekend, never forget that. Put everything you have into the moment at hand, into supporting your teammates, with your play, with your attitude, with your energy, with your HEART, and our united will will be put on display for all to see.

I don’t play for myself. I don’t play for Dartmouth. I play for Mike Zargham, Carson Thomas, Nate Raines, Watson Sallay, Alex Crew, Zach Dorner, Sam Haynor, Pete Bonanno, Will DeKrey, Dermott McHugh, Owen Roberts, Dave Schmidt, Nick Brown, Billy McCarthy, Graham Baecher, Misha Sidorsky, Robin Meyers, Alex Kell, Nathaniel Obler, Chase Raines, Lars Osterberg, and Alex Taylor. I play for YOU.

-Mackey

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Things I’m thankful for:

Mackey — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 02:08:00 +0000

My health.
My team.
My teammates.
My friends.
The fact that those three words are interchangeable.
My family.
My life at Dartmouth.

Honestly, I really can’t complain about a thing. A guy could hardly ask for a better senior year than I’ve been having so far. Short on drama and big on great experiences, this could be my best year yet.

The New Year, the Season of Hope

Mackey — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 22:45:00 +0000

Well, here it is.

My senior year. One last hurrah. Etc.

Getting back into Dartmouth has kept me busy, but I don’t intend to let this blog fall by the wayside just yet. Someday I might stop posting to this one and start a new blog with a broader focus instead of just ultimate, but that day hasn’t come yet.

This year is already awesome. Playing at sectionals two weekends ago was the perfect catalyst for all the feelings and anticipating I’ve done for this year–even as I was walking around taking care of tournament matters, watching the guys running their asses off made me well up inside. Playing with them gave me enough of a high that I’m still riding it now, a full week later. And I don’t think Dartmouth Ultimate is going to come down from it anytime soon.

Where do I begin? For starters:
-I get to spend the entire year playing alongside my fellow ’08s, the same guys who I toiled in the rain with 3 years ago, as part of a D’shmen squad in a monsoon of a sectionals–and again just a couple of weeks later at Div. 2 regionals. Watching the ’08s get rolling is more than enough to bring a smile to my face, knowing all we’ve been through and worked through together already, and that we’ll continue to do so in the year to come.
-I get to spend the entire year socializing and hanging out with my fellow ’08s, who are some of the most amazing people I know. The potential for awesome with this year’s team and social dynamic blows my mind, and I can’t wait to be a part of it.
-We are returning (apparently) 20. TWENTY.
-We’re making some major pickups this year. For one, POVERTY! Huge plus to the team, off and on the field. For two, Misha, a now-sophomore who is as old as an ’08 and who played with Nate Raines at junior worlds back in the day. For three, Carson, a grad student from Carleton in his fifth year of eligibility who has been described by Crew as “Elliott May with better throws.” Filthy.
-The ’11s. SO GOOD. SO much potential there. We’ve got a few who’ve already played, and several more who have the sort of athleticism that makes you want to see them in a year or two when they learn how to ball with the tools they’ve got.

There is so, so much there to lead a person to believe that this could be the year, that we’re poised to reign atop the region and have a year to be remembered, not just by us, but by those who follow us, but for all the reasons above and more I prefer to take the view that we need to work harder than ever, because we’re so well-poised to get complacent.

While words fail to capture the entirety of my being that loves what this year is and will be, and while I know that regardless of result, this will be, for me, the best year Dartmouth Ultimate has ever seen, it’s because of my love for the guys I’m with and for the team I play for that I hope. And it’s because I hope that I continue to work.

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This train is pulling into the station…

Mackey — Thu, 03 May 2007 03:13:00 +0000

…and it’s been one heck of a ride.

We’re going into regionals with the #2 seed, and while I’m not going to say that we are, definitively, the second-best team in the region (I think we’re capable of better if we play to potential, but I’m taking nothing for granted). But you know, that we have played well enough this season to warrant a 2 seed speaks volumes about the progress we’ve made this season and the success we’ve had up to this point, both on and off the field (don’t think they aren’t related).

Personally, I’m going into regionals this year with some nice challenges in front of me. On Monday, I had a run-in with Sammy and after getting up from our collision, I looked at my right pinkie finger and saw it contorted a bit funnily. I took an injury sub. Fast-forward a couple hours, and now I’m walking around campus sporting a nice splint to keep the dislocated/sprained/possibly broken finger in place. After the initial wave of “fuck. FUCK.,” I’m at a point now where I’m playing with the splint on and, while my throws aren’t 100% the same, I’m sure as hell good enough to play this weekend. It’s a big swing from Monday evening, where I was left wondering what might be the best ways to play left-handed or be the best damn sideline ever (the latter is still something I’m working on).

Add in to the pinkie concerns my tweak-prone left ankle and my balky right knee, and I’ve got some injury concerns to manage. All it means, though, is that I have that much more motivation to work my ass off when I’m playing and to focus on what I’m doing so I can do what’s best by my team. I’ve worked too hard and we’ve worked too hard for me to give anything less than my best.

My goals for this weekend are as follows:
Team
-Subjectively, to kick ass. Objectively, to be playing in the finals on Sunday–once we get that far, if we can approach it as a team with the mindset of “let’s play a great game,” and not worry about the consequences, the outcome will take care of itself.
-To have everyone come away from this weekend happy. There’s more than one road to this destination…but there’s a pretty obvious one that’ll do it just fine.

Personal
-I want to make all-region. Whether or not I actually get all-region is not so much the issue as being able to play at that level is. I think it’s within my capabilities, I just need to actualize what I’ve been visualizing and take it to the next level.
-Overcome the injuries. At any other tournament before now, there’s always the “stay healthy for the rest of the season” impetus. Now, there’s no more “rest of the season.” This is the post-season. This is when the Kirk Gibsons of the world step to the plate and knock it out of the park.

This might seem counterintuitive, but I can’t wait for the season to be over. This weekend is the culmination of months of work, really years before that, even, and I know that, one way or another, I’m going to wake up on Monday with a sense of satisfaction at all that Dartmouth Ultimate has done in 06-07.

Past, Present, and Future: Present + Future

Mackey — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 02:39:00 +0000

I figure this’ll be fairly short as a combined look. We’ll see.

So where do I stand right now? I’m in a pretty good spot right now. Coming off a solid season with steady improvement, and I’ll be on campus all summer playing and working out. Nigh ideal, even.

As a player, I’ve definitely become pretty solid all-around. Certainly not great, but solid. My handler D is probably one of my biggest strengths right now, and I can cover a cutter out of the stack pretty well too. Offensively, I’ve also made a lot of progress. My cutting’s gotten a lot more effective, even if it isn’t necessarily the most efficient, I have a pretty good feel for where I can get open and where I’ll need to be to get the disc. My throwing is pretty solid on the whole–a turfed or aired throw is not common for me anymore, and my long throwing has gotten consistent enough that I can make the deep look to the open man. Decision-making needs some work in that regard, and I need to get better at reading my mark too (breakside throws also need work). The former should come with experience and the latter likewise will come with playing against different kinds of marks.

As for the future, I have a couple goals for the summer:
-Get into GREAT shape
-Take a step back and enjoy ultimate for what it is
-Continued improvement, looking primarily at deep game (throwing, receiving, defending)

The first goal is really important to me. Playing as much as I did this season, I’ve come to realize that I’m only going to be playing more in the coming seasons, and in order to a) justify my play time and b) contribute as much as I can to making Dartmouth great, I NEED to get into the kind of shape that’ll allow me to play often, play hard, and make the plays that count. While I was able to contribute this year in good shape, a summer focused on getting into better shape should help make me a much better player. The close plays that would fall against me will fall for me. On-field dominance would be ideal. The more we can get players like that on our team, the less trouble any team will be able to give us–just look at Florida.

The second goal also holds weight. I think I’m already pretty well recharged from the spring season, and playing Chuck Wagon over the summer will give me a good outlet for competitive disc. Playing with the 08s this summer will provide for a great outlet to get to know the rest of my class and just genuinely have a good time. It’ll also be a great opportunity to play some swilltimate and work on my deep looks. If nothing else, me and Pov will be chucking a fair bit, so it should be fun.

The last goal will mostly follow as a result of playing Chuck and generally playing over the summer. Focus on different things will come and go throughout the term, I’m sure, but hopefully the net result is an improved player.

That sums up what I’m looking to do pretty well, I think. It’s timely, too, since I’ll be back at school Wednesday.

Fallen off the blogging schedule I’d have liked to keep. There’ll at least be some sort of fitness-related post coming in the near future, probably a train of them over the summer.

I haven’t decided if I’ll do more serious ultimate-related posts after each tourney, but we’ll see how things develop…

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Past, Present, and Future: Past

The Future of this Sport

Past, Present, and Future: Past

Mackey — Wed, 24 May 2006 04:50:00 +0000

Before moving on as this term comes to a close, it would seem to behoove me to look back on the season and reflect to better guide my future.

At first I thought I’d just do one long post about where I was, where I’m at, and where I hope to go, but it’s probably more efficient to do it in separate posts, so here goes.

…yeah. 05-06. Been a while…but time has passed, life has been flying by, especially lately. Human perception of time is a fascinating thing.

I don’t really have any plan on how I’ll do this, so I’ll start with the summer.

So at the end of last spring, I had my individual meeting with the captains, talking about next year and what I could do personally to become a better player. General impression: work on the throws. My initial mandate after I missed the cut for the A-team in the fall was to work on my defense, so that’s what I focused on. Developed a good D bid, pretty solid B-level defense, improved my mark a ton, all of which meant I’d definitely play D for the A-team in the coming year. Working on my throws, improving my offensive game, was the next step.

So, off to Japan I went, full of motivation to keep working and improving. I threw every day during the week after class, without fail. I’d spend more time looking up and reading about ultimate on the blogosphere and on RSD than I would studying my vocabulary and kanji for Japanese, to the detriment of my grades (fortunately there was generous curving). On free weekends, I shelled out $20 either way to take the train and subway systems to the other side of Tokyo, where I played pickup with some fellow internationals. Even travelled with them to a tourney, 8 hours away (that’s practically coast-to-coast, East-West) for a weekend. Had a blast. Improved a ton. My throwing got a LOT better, I could put touch on my throws, place them, throw to space pretty well. Hucks were ok at a middling range, nothing exceptional.

Came back for the fall, excited to play ultimate, meet the freshmen, really just generally excited to be back at Dartmouth for my sophomore year. Had a ton of free time thanks to a relatively cushy research job I had (I took the fall off from classes since I was taking classes over the summer), and while I didn’t necessarily make the most of it, I did have a good time. Had some personal adjustments to make at the start of the term, but I became better for it, I think. Playing A-team was a great learning experience for me, I got to play a fair bit and contribute a fair bit, which was great. The term was capped off with me winning most improved player at the fall banquet, which really meant a lot to me.

I also started blogging in the fall, trying to chart down my thoughts so there’d be some sort of chart of my progress and development, and also hopefully some reference for other players. I really enjoy writing–I usually prefer communication through blitz or other written means to communication in person, because it gives me time to think and organize my thoughts so I can express myself clearly and coherently. It’s worked pretty well for me. I need to take the time to go back through my ramblings and pick out some useful information in the near future. Probably when I’m home for interim.

Anyhow…on to the winter. Lots of training. Working with the fuel cell, as much as we could find time to work together. At the very least, I could always bring Socks to the gym so I had somebody else around, Dermott was almost always around, and Brett turned up when he wasn’t out and about (read: visiting his girlfriend at Wellesley). Track workouts, hitting the weights, plyos in the gym…week after week, building.

Vegas happened in the winter; this was one of my favorite experiences of the year. We travelled all the way across the country with a veritable skeleton crew, and really played our asses off. I got to play a ton, a little bit both ways, but primarily with the D line, which was great. There were I think 8 of us, 9 when Dermo was back in action the second day, and we really gelled, I thought. I played pretty much every D point, and there’s definitely something to be said for being able to constantly go out there with the same crew, everybody knowing each other’s capacities and really playing to (and even beyond) them. Didn’t spend too much time out on the town, but from a pure ultimate standpoint I really doubt there could have been much better for helping develop the team and the players than going through a long-ass tourney like that without probably 60-70% of the guys who you would expect to be returning and being playmakers for the team. That we played as well as we did unable to field a returning A-team line speaks volumes for the progress we made just through the course of the tourney, and I definitely think that sort of experience is going to help us a lot next year when a lot of the guys who got to step up and be more dynamic than they usually are need to step up and be more dynamic for the team’s success.

We had a lot of indoor practices, which were generally productive, though in retrospect I think we might’ve benefited from more drilling and less scrimmaging. This goes back to earlier thoughts about the place of drilling vs. scrimmaging for improvement–scrimmaging is certainly important for application of skills and development of synergy, all of that, but I think particularly during the winter and especially early on when there’s still plenty of time before we NEED to be coming together and clicking as a unit, there’s more value in emphasizing basics–the mark, throwing, all that goes with that–by devoting more time to drilling. We did devote a fair bit of time to various drills, but I think more time and maybe a bit more structure (I’m of the opinion that marker drill and dump drill should be done every practice for at least 5-10 minutes, as those are basic, essential skills that so much builds upon and revolves around) would’ve been beneficial.

Then there was spring break. Really good, overall. We struggled at Southerns, got ourselves motivated, and were quite productive the rest of the time, culminating with some sweet, sweet Centex sucess. The week on Tybee was great, relaxing, relatively light training schedule which I think I needed. Looking back on Southerns, I was really flat after the first couple games. I think it was partly due to overtraining, so recovery made a big difference and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Centex was one of my best tourneys of the season. It’s good to work hard, but we definitely need to keep recovery in perspective next year. This probably applies more to me than some players, as I often do a bit of extra training on my own.

Then came spring. Spring has been a busy, busy term for me. Between two lab sciences (one of which is my first term of organic chemistry) with each having 3 midterms each, devoting much of my week and all of my weekends to ultimate, and having to do a track article by Monday afternoon basically every Monday after an exhausting weekend, I had my hands full. Perhaps not coincidentally, this has also been one of my most productive terms. I’ve got a pretty legitimate shot at getting an A in orgo–for reference, I’ve never gotten an A in any course at Dartmouth–Bio will be a bit worse, but still hopefully above median, and my third course should be a good-enough grade given how little work I’ve put into it.

Anyways, the ultimate season was hectic. Some ups and downs, a couple early exits at the start of the season that were acceptable given we still needed to re-integrate lots of players, a loss to BU at Yale Cup in quarters that we should’ve won had we simply caught easy passes in the endzone, progress before and during the series, and the season ended on two hotly contested games at regionals against Brown and Tufts, one on our weakness against gargantuan ultimate players and the other due in part to our weakness against the zone, which we should’ve put more work into. But everything’s always more apparent in hindsight.

And so the season ended. ‘Twas sad…but it’s over. We had closure night before last at the spring banquet and today with classwars (08 sweep–new best class ever, not that we didn’t already know it). People are moving on, lives are changing all over the place, and soon I’ll be heading home, only to return to a considerably emptier campus.

But so it goes. Like Seigs said in a post of his back when he actually did the blogging thing, every year is a unique combination of people and every year is great in its own way.

I’ve made a ton of progress over the past year, but I need to keep focused and stay humble. But that’s not for me to discuss in this post.

Related posts:
Past, Present, and Future: Present + Future

Progress

Mackey — Tue, 09 May 2006 04:16:00 +0000

Last year I was beyond excited for the team. Captaining the B-team was a blast, we were having a great time, and the A-team was just tearing it up, going to Presday and upsetting UCSB, all the talented players on the team–in my mind, we were a lock to make nationals. So I went down to Brown to watch regionals on Sunday, excited to watch everyone play and root on the team, all of that good stuff.

And then I get there, and hear about things–there was an accident. Cabo’s still in the hospital, Chimpo got banged up, Pov and Zargham are playing, but it’s the freaking day after Mike’s car got totaled.

But we’re doing fine. I heard we beat UMass the other day on universe point, which is to be expected, of course, and I hear that Harvard lost to Williams. I get to watch us beat Williams, with solid play all around.

Rain starts coming. The men have some down time, delayed due to field concerns I think. The women are playing Brown (of course, women don’t tear up fields), and they TROUNCE them, sealing the deal in the game-to-go. Everybody’s pumped.

The rain keeps coming. The fields are soaked. No games for Dartmouth for half an hour, an hour…I need to get some work done. I figure, hey, things will be delayed to a later date, given the conditions, I won’t miss anything…

But, of course, I miss plenty. I get back, do a little work, but can’t help thinking about things. Somebody blitzes out to spew wondering how things are going, somebody else who knows blitzes out: Dartmouth loses on universe point to Harvard in the game to go. It’s over.

It hits me hard; I’m not even playing with the a-team, I know maybe a handful of the guys on that team beyond a casual basis, and yet I’m too bummed out to go to class the next day. Or the day after. Practice is a shitshow, whatever. Doesn’t even matter.

I couldn’t tell you much about that next week or so. I’m pretty sure we still had solid, productive B-team practice, but I don’t know much else I did. WMO was a blast, though–got to make some sweet plays, we played some old Dartmouth alums I’d never known, a few I’d heard of, got to play the A-team (we scored the first point of the game, on a huck to Pov, who’d defected, and then let them roll us the rest of the time), good times were had.

We moved on. Next year’s captains were chosen; I had my conference with them about next year, and I came out energized and excited for the a-team and to work my ass off getting better.

So I did. It was tough being in Japan, but I spent every afternoon tossing with a few classmates, on free weekends I shelled out $15 both ways in train and subway fares to travel to the other side of Tokyo, so I could congregate at a field by the river and play pickup for a few hours with some internationals; I paid well over $100 and rode 8 hours both ways to the other side of Japan to play in a 2-day tournament with these same people, and had a blast reminiscent of spring break (we finished second, oddly enough, on a universe point loss. I gotta stop doing that). I spent countless hours after class looking at ultimate blogs, searching old topics on RSD, when I should’ve been studying. All in an effort to keep playing and improving.

It was worth it. It’s all been worth it. I love ultimate. Though I have my worries about getting too intense and too caught up in it, this is it. It’s one of few things that truly defines me, and I’m glad for it. I love the game and I love the people that play it, and I’m excited to know I’ll be able to keep playing and continue to forge new bonds with people I’ll come to know and love.

I was originally just going to send this to just one person I thought it’d have value for, but I’d prefer it also preserved in a (somewhat) less temporary medium than just blitz.

I’ll do some sort of legitimate regionals recap this week. Been busy as all hell today, save the last hour+. Too busy to look straight back just yet. Always more important to look at what’s happening right now, anyways.

Progress

Mackey — Thu, 30 Mar 2006 04:16:00 +0000

I feel like I need to get something up here; definitely been neglecting it lately, what with finals and then spring break.

Finally back for spring term, excited for life, really.

In any case, I’d sum up the last term and spring break with, simply, “progress.” It’s a great thing to make progress, which certainly factors in to why I am playing (and continue to play) ultimate. I feel like I’m making great strides as a player, and that there’s still a TON of progress to be made, so it’s exciting to be playing ultimate for me right now. Getting back into good shape also helps a ton too.

Outside of ultimate, life’s been good enough. Been pondering pre-med a bit lately thanks to some poor grades, but my parents made the point to me that if everybody changed their plans when the going got tough, few people would be doing much of value. So I’m sticking with it for now, though I’m certainly open to change if something else pops up. Gonna try and buckle down and keep things up this term with orgo and bio 15 breathing down my neck. Also going to look into getting some help/insight with regards to my career path of choice in the near future too.

That touches the base of most of where I’m at right now. I’d like to do a recap of things, particularly spring break, but I’m too tired for it now. I did get some nice post ideas over break though, so hopefully I make the time to do some writing in the next couple weeks.